Plot Twist: The World Didn’t End When I Took the Afternoon Off.
We finally did it. We booked the time before life filled it — and ended up with an afternoon at the beach that fed my whole soul. 10/10 recommend scheduling joy like it’s mandatory.
“Work will always expand to fill every available space you give it. So stop giving it all the space.”
Yesterday, I did something radical. I blocked off an entire two days on my calendar six months ago — and then actually took some of the time off. Now I know what you are thinking… a day off is nothing radical, Stephanie. What is wrong with you? But y’all - this was a block that I blocked purely for me. Not for doctor appointments. Not for something the kids needed. Not a day to work with one client and be on DND for the rest. Not for more work. Or to clean my house. It was time for a friend.
See, back about July or August, I had a phone date with my friend Eric Garcia. Eric and I live about as far apart across the country as you can get from one another and we both have crazy schedules (him WAY more than me). We see each other for work events and conferences 6-10 times a year some years. There are hugs and drinks and dinners and parties in the same time and space. But it’s always conference schedules, airport food, divided attention, and the kind of rushed catching-up that doesn’t feed your soul the way real friendship does. We started doing what was supposed to be regular phone dates to stay connected this year after we said “enough! Let’s make time for friendship where we can see each other’s faces and not talk work.” We’ve done exactly 2 this year when we planned them and didn’t really talk work. 🤣 But it’s two more than last year! #ConstantAndNeverEndingImprovementFTW And the truth? We always say we’ll plan something when one of us happens to be near the other’s home base… and then we wait until the last minute… and then our calendars are already a disaster.
So this time, I did it differently. When Eric told me he’d be coming to town, I opened my calendar, scrolled to the date, and immediately saw the problem: if I didn’t protect this time early, I’d lose it. I booked the joy first. I put it in the calendar like it was a mandatory meeting. I blocked the two days I knew he would be here as out of office/DND. I declined all new and existing meetings. And then I promptly forgot about it until about 2 weeks ago when I was scanning forward in my calendar reviewing the month ahead. I got SO excited and immediately texted Eric something like “OMG is this really happening?!? Are you still coming to town??” - FULLY expecting plans to have changed, because they always do.
But yesterday, for the first time in way too long, we had a whole afternoon together — no rushing, no squeezing it between things, no multitasking. Just presence. Conversation. Friendship that breathes instead of gasps for air.
And it felt… incredible.
Why Is It So Hard to Choose Joy?
If you’re anything like me — a mother, a leader, a consultant, a human who cares deeply about the people relying on you — you are probably excellent at being responsible and terrible at being tended to. I put everyone first: my kids, my partners, my clients, my teams, my work. The invisible, emotional labor part? The scheduling part? The “I’ve got it, don’t worry” part? That’s automatic for me.
What is not automatic?
Blocking time for myself.
Choosing rest before collapse.
Choosing connection before burnout.
Choosing joy while there’s still room for it.
I read a quote on IG this morning that said “Most people work first and play with what’s left. There’s never anything left.” That’s it. That’s the thing. If joy isn’t on the calendar, it doesn’t happen. And when you wait for the mythical “when things slow down,” you eventually realize… things never slow down.
Why This Afternoon Mattered So Much
Some of you might be thinking “okay, you really need a life if you are this excited about an afternoon with a friend.” But to a workaholic who is trying to stay on the wagon of doing a little less - this mattered, deeply. Because it wasn’t a grand gesture. It wasn’t a vacation or a retreat or a weekend away. It wasn’t even a full day. It was a few protected hours with someone who matters to me — and that was enough to feel like I had exhaled for the first time in months.
After taking my ass to therapy this morning and crying over how pathetic I felt, I let myself lean into the little sliver of pride I felt at the same time. Because I’m committed to changing that. Reflecting on yesterday made me realize how starved I’ve been for true, unrushed connection. For adult friendships that aren’t fit into the margins. For tending to myself with even a fraction of the care I give to everyone else.
Not with a New Year’s resolution that dies by February. Not with some big, dramatic plan I’ll never stick to. But with small, sustainable change:
Afternoons like yesterday.
Coffee dates.
Walks.
Protected time.
A calendar that reflects my actual values instead of just my obligations.
What I Want You to Hear
While I love Simon Sinek with all my leader heart, the idea that leaders eat last should not be an all or nothing idea. And for a lot of us, we think servant leadership means we ALWAYS need to come last. That’s bullshit. You deserve time that isn’t earned through exhaustion. You deserve connection that isn’t crammed into the leftover corners of your day. You deserve the kind of joy you put on your calendar first — not what you try to squeeze in when everything else is done.
Work will always expand to fill every available space you give it. So stop giving it all the space. Take the time off. Put joy on the calendar like it’s mandatory. Because it is.
💗 Stephanie