Every year on November 20, we pause for Transgender Day of Remembrance. It’s a day to honor the lives of transgender and gender-diverse people lost to violence, discrimination, and erasure. It’s solemn. It’s human. It’s heavy. But in veterinary medicine, I’ve noticed something else heavy this time of year: the discomfort some leaders feel about acknowledging days like this at all. Not because they don’t care. Not because they want to exclude. But because they’re afraid that showing support for their LGBTQ+ community will be perceived as “political.”

Yesterday, for the first time in way too long, we had a whole afternoon together — no rushing, no squeezing it between things, no multitasking. Just presence. Conversation. Friendship that breathes instead of gasps for air. It made me realize how starved I’ve been for true, unrushed connection — and how essential it is to put joy on the calendar before life fills every inch of space.

In veterinary leadership—and in parenthood—it’s easy to believe we have to choose: team or family, accountability or empathy, work or rest. But what if balance isn’t about choosing at all? This reflection on mom guilt, career guilt, and one memorable 16th birthday reminds us that great leadership starts when we stop living in the binary.